Pertaining to my M CITIES OF THE MIDWEST MINI-TOUR with Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy, some news:
FIRST, our shows in MADISON and MCHICAGO are about to sell out.
Tickets for MINNEAPOLIS and MILWAUKEE continue to sell.
SECOND, there shall be posters and TEE SHIRTS available for sale at ALL venues, and books available at MOST venues, and I will sign them and discuss issues of the day with you after the show. I will also sign books you bring from home and other reasonable objects. NO EYELIDS.
THIRD, as you choose what to do with this information, please know that I will be honoring the following SECRET SOCIETY DISCOUNTS at these events.
—FRIENDS OF TOM who identify themselves properly shall receive a discount of ONE DEFACED DOLLAR COIN from my own hands.
—Players of KINGDOM OF LOATHING shall also receive a dollar coin, also from my own hand, DEFACED IN A DIFFERENT WAY. They have their own secret words.
—Members of THE JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN POST-APOCALYPTIC JUSTICE SQUAD and other donors to MaximumFun.org shall receive ONE BEEF JERKY DOLLAR, teriyaki style, upon presentation of their receipt.
—Former members of the FAMOUS TRACY and COLLENKY GOLDEN PLATINUM CIRCLE CLUBS shall be hugged, DESPITE MY GERMOPHOBIA.
—The above is also true for members of the OFFICIAL FACEBOOK FAN PAGE who speak the secret word I am about to post over there right now.
—Those of age who contribute MALÖRT at the Chicago event shall be REWARDED with induction into the SOCIETY OF MYSTERIOUS BOTANICALS, CHICAGO CHAPTER by being asked to drink Malört.
—Those of age who contribute MALÖRT to any other event shall be PUNISHED by being asked to drink Malört.
—Persons of age who attend both the MINNEAPOLIS and MADISON events shall receive in Madison a gin martini, COURTESY ME, upon proof of their attendance.
—Persons of age who attend both the MINNEAPOLIS and MILWAUKEE events shall receive in Milwaukee a martini, COURTESY ME, with a PBR chaser, also courtesy me, upon proof of their attendance.
—Persons of age who attend ALL FOUR events shall receive in MCHICAGO a martini, COURTESY ME, with a Malört chaser, also courtesy me, made BY MY HAND in a private ceremony backstage, upon proof of their attendance.
THAT IS ALL I CAN OFFER AT THIS TIME.
I would not be sad if you retweeted, retumbled, up thumbed, or g-plussed this link, or turned it into a crazy animated gif.
That is all.