1. 43 Simple Ways To Simplify Your Life

    1. Remove your doors
    2. Eat half of each pet
    3. Sit on a big, thick book
    4. Something something keyring holder
    5. Paint clocks cheery pink
    6. Wear discarded food
    7. Makebelieve girlfriend chair
    8. Sleep in liquor cabinet
    9. Embrace hug love hug meow meow
    10. Small room to plan crimes
    11. Hack your house key organizer
    12. Mail a surprise toaster
    13. Just stare more
    14. Fourteen
    15. Poke holes in paper things
    16. Macrame shoelace tree
    17. Scrapbook poop and pee
    18. Euthanize even faster
    19. Amputate favorite limb
    20. Pencil shaving gallery
    21. Immigrant coat rack
    22. Shoebox of dangerous porn
    23. Zen unicorn rainbow zen journal
    24. Icepick to one good eye
    25. Simplify fourteen harder
    26. Aluminum foil swan cozy dryer
    27. Smell your finger. All of it.
    28. Resimplify your simplicity
    29. Habitualize your zen
    30. Remind your drapes, “I love you, Mrs. Textile”
    31. Freeze your clutter
    32. Couch fort dinner party
    33. Nicene creed robot
    34. Only sodomize things that forgive
    35. Coaxial sweater vest
    36. Transitive verb predicate clause
    37. More crying but quieter
    38. Inhaler nativity
    39. Contact paper taxonomy binder
    40. America’s Roast Beef: Yes, Sir
    41. Breathe like no one’s dancing
    42. Unbridled solo diaper play
    43. Illuminated panty shrine

    [via]

And, then, you were all...

  1. walkingspanish reblogged this from merlin
  2. ftrc reblogged this from merlin
  3. sneakersforsneaking reblogged this from beekel and added:
    do i even no i do not
  4. jaggedfragments reblogged this from merlin and added:
    [parody is healthy] This reminds me a little of Steve Martin’s Grandmother’s Song as well as the writings of my friend...
  5. popcandyfish reblogged this from imnotheretomakefriends and added:
    I’d have to say that number 36 is my favourite.
  6. idrivec-3po reblogged this from imnotheretomakefriends
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  8. imnotheretomakefriends reblogged this from merlin
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  10. alicia182 reblogged this from mmmedicine and added:
    34 and 43 hahahahahahahahahahaha. I may need to get an illuminated panty shrine for my new house.
  11. ironicsentiment reblogged this from merlin
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